Release

I feel like this week is hurtling by.  The show feels shorter; we start, and before I know it we’re in the final scene. I’ve changed clothes and characters more times than I can count, and now I’m suddenly aware of counting down.

Someone asked me after the show tonight if I’ll be sad to see it end.  I don’t think I will.  I’ll miss it, of course, but I think I’ll end this run with a sense of completion. I have lived the beauty of these stories each night to the best of my ability.  The experience feels complete in itself; it doesn’t need to linger in melancholy.

It will linger, instead, in the words and stories it has firmly imprinted in my psyche.  

I’m compiling a list of favorite lines, the ones that reach out to me every night. These I will miss, but I’ve committed them to memory from hearing and/or speaking them time and again, so they’ll never leave me.  Tonight I am remembering lines about the very act of speaking:

Woman:  “I ask the help of the gods, who know the trick: change me, and let me speak, better than I know how . . . “

Therapist:  “So it remains important, and salutary, to speak not only of the rational and easily understood, but also of enigmatic things: the irrational and the ambiguous.  To speak both privately and publicly.”

Each night as the play begins, I stand in the wings and hear my friend Park say, “let me speak, better than I know how . . .”.  Her next line is my cue to go on. 

I carry that prayer with me as I step on stage, and I will continue to carry it even after we close.  Let me trust the story; let me get out of my own way; let me feel at home even in the irrational and ambiguous.  Set me free.

That, to paraphrase a certain bard, is a metamorphosis devoutly to be wished.

One thought on “Release

  1. Nothing in this world is free.
    But it can feel free to live at no felt cost.
    Someone described how
    Louis Armstrong, when extemporizing,
    (Does extemporize mean to live outside of time?)
    Gave away his music to the air for free.
    He counted it no loss, apparently.
    He had so much music still inside
    That giving cost him no reduction of it.
    Giving freed him to discover more
    Where that came from.

    I’ll bet your writing does the same for you.
    Please keep it coming when this play is through.

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